coyotesuspect: (samdean: love)
[personal profile] coyotesuspect
Awhile ago, right before [livejournal.com profile] spnland  closed, I told a couple people I would write up why I shipped wincest. Then I forgot about it. I remembered this morning. Wrote it up. And here we are- a 1200 word manifesto on why I ship Sam/Dean, which will probably only be of interest to those two people I promised I'd write it for.

Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] familiardevil  for looking this over for me. It's always good to have someone support my crazy. <3 (And, yes, I kept the title because it amused me.)  

 

I'll start with your basic disclaimer: I don't condone incest, and, personally, I don't ship other incest pairings besides Sam/Dean. Not because incest is immoral- I get nervous when people start bringing morality into discussions about sexual practices- but because it is incredibly unhealthy. It's a sign of a relationship that has gone deeply wrong and, honestly, it's a little sad that someone could never quite manage to see beyond their immediate family.

But Sam and Dean, and their relationship, are already deeply fucked up. They're everything to each other. Dean went to Hell for Sam; Sam would have gone to Hell for Dean. You can argue that John did it for Dean, but it makes far more sense that a father do it for his son, than someone do it for their brother; a parent shouldn't have to bury their child.

What's most telling, though, is what happens after the other dies. Dean sees absolutely no way of living without Sam. It's not even a question of whether or not he's going to see the Crossroads Demon; it's only a question of how long it will take him to decide. Sam is the same, and, when his deal is refused, he doesn't move on with his life- which would be the expected reaction for someone who has lost his brother- he goes on an epic quest for revenge, crossing several very important moral boundaries in the process because Dean is and was the single most important thing in his life.

That's what it comes down to: Sam is Dean's everything, and Dean is Sam's everything. That may sound melodramatic (because it is), but it's also true.

There're a couple lines of dialogue in Tall Tales 2.12 that, to me, kind of exemplify this point. It's very brief, blink and you'll miss it kind of stuff, and not really anything I've ever seen pulled out to explain wincest. It's right after Bobby accuses the boys of bickering like an “old married couple.”

Dean: Yeah. Except old married couples can get divorced. We're more like Siamese twins.

Sam: (irate) It's conjoined twins Dean!

Here we have Dean, who has been furious and peeved at Sam for the last few days, admitting there's no way he could ever see him and Sam part. They are, for good or for ill, stuck together. And Sam may correct him, but he doesn't correct him in on that part.

All other relationships therefore become ancillary. I honestly don't believe Dean and Sam could ever love anyone as much as they love each other. If, for example, Dean and Jo had become a couple, I don't see how that pairing could have worked in a way that wouldn't have been extremely insulting to Jo. Dean would forever have put Sam ahead of her. It's laughable to suggest that Dean or Sam could be capable of loving someone more than they do each other. They lack the history, and for Sam and Dean, it's all about the shared history. Their pasts have not just made it so that they're the most important people in each others' lives, but also that they're the only people who can understand each other.

To a certain extent, the show backs up this interpretation of their relationship as a romantic/sexual one. Season 4 and the early part of season 5 were a giant metaphor for a marriage being broken up by marital fidelity. Sam was off to see the other woman; Dean was stalking him and checking his phone messages. The final scenes in 5.01 and 5.02 are break up speeches, and 5.04 is Dean telling Sam he'll take him back because, in his own words, they keep each other human.

Sam and Dean are essentially nothing without each other, and that's some really fucked up codependency.

I know this kind of in for a penny, in for a pound thinking is fallacious. Just because Sam and Dean already lead messed up lives, doesn't mean their lives should become more messed up. That would just be making things worse.

But here's the thing- all of the above just explains why I see wincest as possible and inoffensive, which is an entirely different beast from why I ship wincest.

On a purely superficial level, there are a lot of reasons to ship wincest: the boys are incredibly hot, Jared and Jensen have amazing chemistry, and the smallness of the cast make it so that there aren't a lot of other options. And some of those other options can be just as, if not more so, squicky, especially if we're talking about vessels and issues of consent.

But none of that is really the reason I ship Sam/Dean. I ship couples for lots of reasons- because it would be hot, because the two have (or would have) an interesting dynamic, because it's fun, and because I honestly think that those two people are the best-suited for each other.

Sam/Dean has bits of all the of the above. It would be hot. Their dynamic is extremely fascinating, and most of the reason I watch the show. And, for reasons stated before, I think they're the best fit for each other because of the horrible circumstances that make up their lives.

But simply? I think it would make them happy. Or, at least, I think it would make their lives a little less god-awful.

I don't subscribe to the belief that someone has to be in a longterm romantic and sexual relationship to be happy. But I think, for most people, it certainly helps. Sam and Dean are, really, already incestious in every way except sexually- the one line that society has, more or less arbitrarily, deemed inexcusable to cross. But their relationship resembles much more a partnership than a brotherhood; they live together, their emotional lives center on the other, their main concern is the other person. Adding sex is not only not that big of a deal; all things considered, it makes the relationship more complete.

It means they're getting physical intimacy and comfort from someone who isn't a one night stand, from someone who cares about them more than anyone else possibly could, from someone they trust and respect deeply. It is simply not something they could get from anyone else. I love this show. I love the Winchester brothers. And I really don't want anything except for them to be happy. And I think this might help in that. There's no way they're going to be able to find an outside romantic relationship that provides that level of comfort.

I came into this fandom pretty appalled at the idea of wincest- and it's a large part of the reason it took me until season 3 to start watching. I started reading wincest fic because I was curious and because the gen fic I was reading was unsatisfactory. It was missing a component, and, I felt, denying the intensity of Sam and Dean's relationship.

I started, and I continue, to ship wincest, because it makes sense to me.

And, on another level, rules almost don't apply to Sam and Dean. I was in second grade when I started reading Greek mythology, and I quickly became obsessed with it. Greek mythology, of course, has more than its fair share of brothers marrying sisters and the like.

Of course, they're all gods. And yet...

When Sam and Dean fight, the world ends.

Now that they've made up, I have no doubt they'll manage to save it.

When you're talking about a love that epic- normal rules almost don't apply.

As Sera Gamble herself said, Supernatural is all about the "epic love story of Sam and Dean."
 

--*--  

 

 
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Date: 2009-12-23 01:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vambrace.livejournal.com
You know, you expressed it perfectly. Without this relationship their lives would be too bleak to be born. To live without the intimate touch of a lover throughout life robs a person of the most deeply human experience and the comfort that only another person can bring. They deserve something out of the horror that is their life. This doesn't seem like too much to ask for.

Date: 2009-12-23 06:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com
Exactly. It's not hurting anyone, and it might make their lives a little more bearable. Considering how awful their lives are, it isn't much to ask for at all.

Date: 2009-12-23 06:54 am (UTC)

Date: 2009-12-23 03:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ariellea4.livejournal.com
Wow, this is incredible. I completely agree with you on Sam and Dean never being able to have a complete, long term relationship (and I mean any kind of relationship) with anyone but each other. Like you say there is simply too much history between them for either of them to be comfortable in a relationship with someone else. They are simply too codependent to ever be able to completely leave one another. Very well stated.

Date: 2009-12-23 06:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com
They are simply too codependent to ever be able to completely leave one another.

Truth. And thank you.

Date: 2009-12-23 04:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aldehyde.livejournal.com
lovely post. A+++++++++!

Date: 2009-12-23 06:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com
Hee. Thanks!

Date: 2009-12-23 08:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cacklesthewitch.livejournal.com
Sam and Dean are, really, already incestious in every way except sexually...

This. Exactly!

You said it perfectly.

Date: 2009-12-23 09:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com
*g*

Thank you!

Date: 2009-12-23 11:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] one-letter.livejournal.com
wow.

Wincest is not my thing. Simply put, in my opinion, it is icky and I didn't get how others could not find it icky themselves.

But then I read this.

It is really quite an eye opener. You probably haven't given the ship a new fan in me but you have broached your reasoning in a way that just plain makes sense.

I disliked because I didn't understand and I have not seen one person articulate the argument as clearly as you have here, so, I thank you.

With understanding comes acceptance...and you all (for there are gazillions of you) now have it from me.

Date: 2009-12-23 08:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com
Oh, wow. That is such a fantastic thing to hear. Thank you so much for reading this, despite wincest not being your thing.

You probably haven't given the ship a new fan in me
I would be really surprised if I had. So much of why we ship what we ship is instinctive, I think. Figuring out our reasons for why we ship something tends to come afterwards; it's all just detective work. I like that, so why do I like it?

Anyway, this entire comment just makes me beam. *twirls you*

:D :D :D

Date: 2009-12-23 11:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sariah-w.livejournal.com
I agree with you so much. Sam and Dean are each others EVERYTHING. And I love that. If i was going to write a show this is how it would of been. Male closeness is just the BEST thing I love the brotherly moments. And while on screen I'm happy for the really squishy brotherly moments. I like to read wincest beacuse it's just sweet and HOT because they are hot. And like you I coulnd't do it for anything else. I don't even really know how to explain what I feel but you did a good job of explaining some of it. I just love brothers, that so obviously care about each other. Just, it's just beautiful.

Date: 2009-12-23 09:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com
Male closeness is just the BEST thing

Hee. I am rather fond of male closeness as well. *g*

And they have such a beautiful (and tragic) relationship, even if they aren't having sex. <3333

Date: 2009-12-23 05:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] equally-dour.livejournal.com
I don't know how I found that post, lol, but yes, yes, YES to everything you wrote. *hands you a cookie*

I think it would make them happy. Or, at least, I think it would make their lives a little less god-awful.

And how these two deserve some happiness. :(

Date: 2009-12-23 08:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com
I don't know how I found that post

lol I don't know how many times that's happened to me.

how these two deserve some happiness.

Exactly. :(

*noms your cookie*

Date: 2009-12-23 06:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pepperjackcandy.livejournal.com
What the world needs (and as I've only seen a couple of eps, I'm unfortunately incapable of being the one to provide it) is a Wincest fic riffing off of that ep where, apparently, the boys find Wincest fic, only instead they find this essay, and go, "Oh, snap!"

And then they ride off into the sunset together.
Edited Date: 2009-12-23 06:56 pm (UTC)

Date: 2009-12-23 08:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com
Hee! I think there our actually fics out there like that. (Not with this meta, specifically, of course.)

And then they ride off into the sunset together.
Ooh, I want this so bad just in general. ):

Date: 2009-12-23 08:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blueleopard87.livejournal.com
THIS POST!! ♥ ♥ ♥

I just want to draw hearts all around it because, yes, there are so many things I agree with here!

Unlike you, I started watching SPN when I heard about Wincest, and what made me stay was the depth and emotional intensity of their relationship. I typically ship the incest pairs in the fandoms I get into, but never has any ship been so real before for me. It's just so moving to see the lengths Sam & Dean would go for each other and how much they needed each other no matter how unhealthy that may actually be. I've never been in a fandom with a ship that has been so canonically wrapped up in itself before. Of course, you've said all of this more eloquently in your post, but epic truly is the only word for them!!

Date: 2009-12-23 09:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com
<333

Wincest was my first (and is still my only) incest pairing. I'm still a bit baffled by that, sometimes. Can I ask what other incest ships you have?

epic truly is the only word for them

It really, really is. Also, icon win. :D


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From: [identity profile] familiardevil.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-12-23 10:29 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-12-23 10:34 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] familiardevil.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-12-23 10:42 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-12-23 10:44 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] familiardevil.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-12-23 10:45 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2009-12-24 12:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] octoberxsong.livejournal.com
This is an excellent read. I too took a while to get into Supernatural because I was aware of the notion of Wincest and it freaked me out a bit (though it took me a bit longer than you; I saw my first episode - started with s1e01 at the advice of a friend - after s5e09 had already aired), but after speed-watching my way through the first and a half season, the extreme connection between these two guys became way too interesting to ignore.

I also deeply respect any Wincest-shipper who recognizes that even the canonical connection they have (all Wincest or innuendo or meta aside) and their massive codependency is deeply unhealthy, and while appealing in fictional form would probably not be so cool IRL. On the whole, most of the Supernatural fandom have been very welcoming and realistic about separating reality from fiction, and what will fly in one but not the other. :)

Date: 2009-12-26 09:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com
Wow. You really are brand new to the show and fandom then. *g* Welcome to the madness, then. ;D I'm glad you've found us to be a more or less reasonable lot. And I think, even pushing aside the thought of a sexual relationship, the type of relationship Sam and Dean have now is deeply unhealthy (to, you know, just reiterate what you said right back at you), and it would be incredibly depressing and worrisome to encounter such a relationship in real life. D:

Date: 2009-12-28 11:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] werty30.livejournal.com
Sam and Dean as sort of Greek gods, morals are for mortals - I love this analogy.

Date: 2009-12-28 11:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com
Hee. Thanks.

Date: 2010-03-25 02:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] diabolo-girl.livejournal.com
This was interesting and well written. Can I friend you?

Date: 2010-03-28 05:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com
Thank you! And of course.

Date: 2010-04-07 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aidennestorm.livejournal.com
THIS. Exactly. You've managed to articulate what I've never been able to explain after being a Wincest shipper for over a year (late to the fandom; came in mid season 4), not even to my fellow SPN fans who see the exact same moments I do. I can't say how much I love the fact that you chose the "Siamese twins" line, because most people focus on the "old married couple" line before it, yet the former fits so much more. Thanks for sharing this with us! :)

Date: 2010-04-08 07:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com
:D! Thank you so much for reading this. I'm really glad this made sense to you. Because why you're a wincest shipper is hard to explain, but I really do think we have some damn good reasons.

Date: 2010-06-03 07:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] animegirl0087.livejournal.com
Sorry to come in so late to the party! I was just sitting here and nodding at everything that you put here, because truly? They're freaking soulmates. All wincest shippers do is add a physical aspect to the relationship that's already there. Also, since there has been a lot more episodes that's come out recently that has talked about their relationship, your line about how codependent they are on each other has been uttered by Zach in the 100th episode, when he said "Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other." How totally awesome is that to hear what you put being echoed into the actual show? In addition, the fact that Sam's relationship with Dean (and the Impala if you wanna get technical) was the thing that saved the world and ended the Apocalypse kinda makes shipping wincest more substantial and valid. Really, pretty awesome.

Anyways, I got a bit wordy there, and I just wanted to say this was a pretty freaking awesome essay and I'd really like there to be a Supernatural: The Musical too. :D

Date: 2010-06-03 07:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coyotesuspect.livejournal.com
Better late than never. :D

Also, since there has been a lot more episodes that's come out recently that has talked about their relationship
*nods* Yes! I keep thinking I should update this, to reflect new canon. But it almost seems redundant at this point. They're soulmates! CANONICALLY!

the fact that Sam's relationship with Dean (and the Impala if you wanna get technical) was the thing that saved the world and ended the Apocalypse
\o/ I agree completely. Their love saved the world. That is some pretty epic love.

I'm glad you liked this! And yes, there definitely needs to be a musical episode of Supernatural. I don't care how cracky it would be.

Date: 2010-11-02 08:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spn43v3r.livejournal.com
So i know this is a little late but i found this meta like a month ago and i can't even count the number of times i've read it.

I read it agian today becasue season 6 has been killing me (in the best way possible but STILL) and this essay is just so eloquent and uplifting and made of all kinds of awesome.

This is made of so much win, thanks for brightening my day :)

also, can i friend you?
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