coyotesuspect

Title: Both Falling Bright
Subject: Anna/Castiel
Notes: Made for

spn_hetexchange . My eternal love and gratitude to

familiardevil for all her help and cheerleading. Stray cat to my sharktopus, bb. :*
Summary: I made this because Anna/Castiel is kind of unbearably tragic. They have this tremendously long shared history. They clearly respect each other and care about each other, but they always end up hurting each other and being on opposite sides. Yet, they're so well for suited each other. Because they doubt, and they question, but they still both fundamentally believe in God and want to do the right thing. And even though they both long to be, and are, at certain points, human, they're also innately angelic beings.

They're the only ones in the universe who can really understand that push and pull between the human and divine. So I made this mix to try to encompass their history- their time together as soldiers of the Lord together, Anna’s doubt and fall, the tension between them afterwards, Castiel’s fall, and Anna’s death- and then provide a possibly hopeful ending. If I’ve done it right, it’s a mix about questioning and longing and faith. /rambling

Mix includes front and back covers, twelve individually uploaded songs, a .zip of all songs, and a poem by Jack Gilbert. Feedback is good karma. Hope you all enjoy. ♥

Failing and Flying

Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew.
It's the same when love comes to an end,
or the marriage fails and people say
they knew it was a mistake, that everybody
said it would never work. That she was
old enough to know better. But anything
worth doing is worth doing badly.
Like being there by that summer ocean
on the other side of the island while
love was fading out of her, the stars
burning so extravagantly those nights that
anyone could tell you they would never last.
Every morning she was asleep in my bed
like a visitation, the gentleness in her
like antelope standing in the dawn mist.
Each afternoon I watched her coming back
through the hot stony field after swimming,
the sea light behind her and the huge sky
on the other side of that. Listened to her
while we ate lunch. How can they say
the marriage failed? Like the people who
came back from Provence (when it was Provence)
and said it was pretty but the food was greasy.
I believe Icarus was not failing as he fell,
but just coming to the end of his triumph.

~Jack Gilbert

(1) On Your Wings – Iron & Wine
How we rise when we’re born
like the ravens in the corn
on their wings, on our knees
crawling careless from the sea

God, give us love in the time that we have

God, there are guns growing out of our bones
God, every road takes us farther from home

(2) A King and a Queen – Okkervil River
Be a little sheep learning who’ll shear and who’ll feed.
The hands come and they leave.
Be hands holding a knife.
Be a being on two feet, with his heart trembling,
butchering for a king he believes in though he’s never seen.

Though I know that it never can be,
I’d be pleased to post your decrees,
to fall at your knees,
to name all your streets and to sit down and weep
when you’re carried back through them
and set down to sleep,
and to lie by your side for sublime centuries
(until we crumble to dust when we’re crushed by a single sunbeam)

(3) Under and in Rocks – Mimicking Birds
If all we fought for was senseless laws,
We gave up like weaklings who long ago lost their god

Impossible odds, but comparatively they are really not,
We are often childish in many ways
And just like children purposelessly behaved

But somewhere else this will all be erased
And then nowhere taking on a somewhere shape

(4) St. Jude – Denison Witmer
Staring from her farmhouse porch and through a heavy rain
She says that inside she felt a change

The seed is for the field and the trough is for your hand
And this is something we can understand

But you feel something wrong
And you know what it is
And your father will never understand
But I can
I can pull you out

Picture of St. Jude is on the candle that I burned
Saint of my lost causes and concerns

(5) In the Sun – Joseph Arthur
I pictured you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes
'Cause when you showed me myself, you know, I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need

'Cause if I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find?

I don't know anymore
What it's for
I'm not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun

Will you help me to understand
'Cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe you're not even sure what it's for
Any more than me

May God's love be with you
Always...
May God's love be with you
Always...

(6) New Slang – The Shins
Turn me back into the pet that I was when we met.
I was happier then with no mind-set.

And if you'd 'a took to me like
A gull takes to the wind.
Well, I'd 'a jumped from my tree
And I'd a danced like the king of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well.

Dawn breaks like a bull through the hall,
Never should have called
But my head's to the wall and I'm lonely.

I'm looking in on the good life I might be doomed never to find.

(7) Neutral Ground – Sea Wolf
I feel her heart move through her chest
Warm and steady as she rests.
Hear water ebbing with her breath
Lulling me to sleep.

And here in the sky
Lights flash before our eyes
And I feel your warm hand
Slipping into mine
And we lay and we wonder
When will I come around?

(8) Both Falling Bright – Old Canes
So now I’m calling your name
should not have arrived
they’re just the same
both falling bright

now as you walk down the street
fire in your heart
fighting off the dark
the darkness has spread

it’s coming undone
it’s coming undone

(9) On the Moon – A. A. Bondy
And I'm dreaming in my room
That you and I fell into the sky
And went dancing on the moon

Until that day sometimes I will pray
That you may find some grace

(10) In the Dark – Josh Ritter
We had a lot of love
We thought would light the way
We saw the wrecks of buildings
And ships that sank in starlight
We saw the ghosts of angels
That spoke of falls from tremendous heights

But other fires were burning too
And I saw the battlefields
The dying Light Brigade
Stretched out upon the wheel

Every heart is much the same
We tell ourselves down here
The same chambers fed by veins
The same maze of love and fear

(11) Tristan & Iseult – Tarkio
And on the screen the hero stands,
the female lead, hand in hand,
and says,
“God I love you,
but you trouble me.”
She pushes him away.

“That story’s pretty old.
It’s a bit clichéd and hackneyed, I thought; I thought.”

There was nobody
in the room in which they sat,
as he reached across the table.

And just as their fingers caught,
timidly, he whispers to her
and says, “God I love you, but you trouble me.”

(12) Can’t Go Back Now – The Weepies
Yesterday, when you were young,
everything you needed done was done for you.
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone,
What can you do?

You and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now.

And yeah, yeah, go where you want to go
Be what you want to be,
If you ever turn around, you'll see me.

.zip of music