Fic(ish): Plunder

[coyotesuspect]

This is all familiardevil 's fault. Someday, I'm sure, God will punish her.

Title: Plunder
Fandom: Supernatural RPF
Summary: Jared's a viking. He's not very good at it. Lucky for him, Jensen's here to help. CRACK. J2!Viking AU
Rating: PG 13
Word Count: ~200
Spoilers/Warnings: Crack crack crackity crack crack. No spoilers.

"What are you doing here?" demanded Jensen Ackleson, son of Ackles.

"Oh, well," said the viking. He was unusually tall even by viking standards. "You know. Pillagey stuff. Rape your earth, salt your women." He paused, looking visibly flustered. "Or was it the other way around?"

Jensen tilted his head. It was a habit he'd picked up from his friend Misha, the local winemaker. "You're kind of new at this, aren't you?" he asked.

The viking nodded, his face falling. He looked like a kicked puppy, and Jensen felt a twang of sympathy.

"Well," he suggested. "You could always throw me over your shoulder and drag me off to have your way with me."

The viking visibly perked up at that.

"Really?" he asked, eyes bright and earnest. At Jensen's nod, he broke into a wide grin. "That, that would be great!" he gushed. "Thank you so much! Only-" he faltered, and peered at Jensen anxiously.

"Wouldn't that be a bit rude? Since I don't know your name?"

Jensen sighed.

"It's Jensen," he said, holding out his hand.

The viking grabbed his hand, and then, in a fluid motion, flung him over his shoulder.

"Good to meet you Jensen," said the viking, patting him on his ass. "I'm Jared Padaleckison."

AN: I don't know either guys.

ETA: GUYS. GUYS. Viking!verse has inspired sock_marionette so much, she wrote Bleeding Kansas/pre-American Civil War Jensen/Jared in the comments. READ IT. READ IT NAO. She also suggested that there be more fics about "Jensen dealing with Jared's questionable competency as a wartime badass in a variety of historical circumstances." <--- I AGREE WITH THIS SENTIMENT MUCHLY.

ETA 2: Further proof that Viking!verse is inspirational- and that it's impossible not to ship me- taintedlove has written me/herself in the comments, with a side of J2. It's awesome.

Comments

[familiardevil.livejournal.com]

I STRIKE AGAIN!

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

I don't know why I let you do this to me. ):

[familiardevil.livejournal.com]

Lmao Plunder
I was thinking of how I could bloody sin-ize my Ruby and Castiel crack and just came up with 'The Bloody Bitch and the Angelic Sins of the Raptor'

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

LMAO

No, give your RubynCastiel a real fic title. :P

Or just rip off Dan Brown. Angels and Demons The Winchester Code.

[bloodnfire.livejournal.com]

ASDJFSLDKJ; VIKINGS.

I loled irl.

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

\o/

[meiou-set.livejournal.com]

LOOOOOOL!!

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

;D!

[scintilla10.livejournal.com]

HAHAHA OMG dying.

... is it wrong that I want to know more about Misha the local winemaker? XD

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

Hee!

No, I think everyone wants to know about Misha the local winemaker. HE SOUNDS LIKE AN INTERESTING FELLOW.

I did promise more of this for [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] once she hot her RubynCastiel story up. So maybe Misha the winemaker will make an appearance then. :P

[cherie-morte.livejournal.com]

I LOVE YOU.

NOW PRODUCE CHILDREN FOR ME FOR THY AWESOME MUST ENDURE ANOTHER GENERATION.

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

BUT PRODUCING CHILDREN REQUIRES A PENIS. AND EXCEPT FOR JARED, THERE IS NO ONE'S PENIS THAT I PARTICULARLY WANT TO USE.

[taintedlove.livejournal.com]

*points to icon*
Trufax.
I a little bit love this. And you for writing it.

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

Only a little bit? ),:

[snorfflez.livejournal.com]

LOL. I JUST SNORTED SO LOUD MY ROOMATE LOOKED AT ME FUNNY. LOLOLOLOL

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

AWESOME!

[locknkey.livejournal.com]

Hee \0/

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

\o/

[moodswingers.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHA. I AM TEMPTED TO MAKE A MANIP BASED ON THIS FIC.

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

DO IT.

OMG DO IT DO IT DO IT PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE.

GOD COMMANDS IT.

[quarterwhore.livejournal.com]

THIS SHIT IS EPIC \o/

CLEARLY IT MUST BE A VERSE.

♥

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

CLEARLY.

[stubbel.livejournal.com]

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?! xD

Jensen Ackleson, son of Ackles.

BEST LINE EVER! *rofl* (Random: I actually know a pub, up in the far far north, called Jensen xD you pronounce it Yensen though :( )

Rape your earth, salt your women.
Misha, the local winemaker.

How do you come up with stuff like this? :D I kind of want you brain now...

"You could always throw me over your shoulder and drag me off to have your way with me."

I APPROVE OF THIS.

Jared Padaleckison.

The -sons strike again! xD

SRSLY MADE OF WIN! *can't stop laughing*

[stubbel.livejournal.com]

@familiardevil: KEEP DOING WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING! xD

[dugindeep.livejournal.com]

OMG Where is your brain? Hahaha, this was excellent first thing in the morning.

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

Where is your brain?

No place good, I can tell you that much. /o

...Probably same place as "Boats and Hoes." Eh? Eh?

I am INSPIRED! (Hope you don't mind)

[sock-marionette.livejournal.com]

While I agree that this should really be a 'verse of some sort, I would like to see Jensen dealing with Jared's questionable competency as a wartime badass in a variety of historical circumstances.

Such as: Lawrence, Kansas, ca 1856.

Jensen Ackles tilled the soil. The free soil, he reminded himself with a sigh. It was all very well and good to believe that the West should not have slaves like the South, but actually settling down and farming the land was kind of boring. Plus, those idiot pro-slavery people kept showing up to destroy printing presses and whatnot.

Jensen's musings and tilling came to an abrupt halt when he saw a giant at the end of the row he'd just been tilling. Jensen blinked when the giant made a sound like a distressed cat.

"What was that?" he asked, curious and unafraid now that he saw the giant was actually just a relatively tall and quite broad-shouldered young man.

"It was a rebel yell," said the giant. Great. One of those Texas morons.

"That wasn't even a polite yodel," Jensen said.

"Whatever," said the giant. "I'm supposed to, you know, make the soil bleed."

Jensen sighed. "That just makes my day," he said. "I'm toiling all hours trying to make the soil free, I can't even get a damn potato out of it, and now you want blood on the side?"

The giant blinked. "Well, I think it's supposed to be your blood or something? Not like from a stone or the soil itself."

Jensen shook his head. "Look, this whole thing is really dumb. If you really want to own another living being that badly, get a damn dog."

The giant looked intrigued. "Know anyone with puppies to spare?"

"Not for would-be enslaving bastards," Jensen snapped.

"I'd really rather have puppies," the giant confessed.

"Let's go get a beer and talk about it," Jensen said. There was probably going to be a war and it was probably going to be bad, but maybe he could at least keep the puppy-loving giant out of it.

Re: I am INSPIRED! (Hope you don't mind)

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

*squeals* *claps hands together*

Of course I don't mind! That was wonderful!

"It was a rebel yell," said the giant. Great. One of those Texas morons.

"That wasn't even a polite yodel," Jensen said.

Omigosh, I actually laughed out loud

I would like to see Jensen dealing with Jared's questionable competency as a wartime badass in a variety of historical circumstances.
THIS. THIS.

[scorpiod1.livejournal.com]

BRB, LOLING FOREVER!

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

:D!

[maddonna001.livejournal.com]

I kept laughing for 4 minutes. According to Jared Padaleckison, laughing makes me happy and pretty :-)
so write some more crack!

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

Well, we do like to make people happy and pretty.

In time, in time. >D

[trinipedia.livejournal.com]

I WHOLEHEARTEDLY APPROVE OF MORE UNABLE!WARRIOR JARED.

ALSO, THIS WAS INSANLEY FANTABULOUS AND AMAZING SO, THANKS FAMILIARDEVIL!

I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I KEPT YOU AROUND.

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

HE TRIES. BUT REALLY ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS PLAY WITH PUPPIES AND HAVE SEX WITH THAT CUTE GUY.

[mymuseandi.livejournal.com]

LOL Short sweet and i think i adore bumbling!Jared in whichever time era. :)

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

Hee! Thanks for reading.

[aldehyde.livejournal.com]

ROFL I WANT MORE VIKING AU CRACK PLS

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

WHEN FAMILIARDEVIL WRITES ME RUBY AND CASTIEL CRACK, THEN WORLD GETS MOAR VIKING AU CRACK.

BUT THANK YOU FOR READING.

[stupathetically.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Aaaaaaaaw! I love incompetent-yet-adorable!Jared. :D
I really can't stop grinning now, and everybody's staring. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

:D

Love,
Pon

[stupathetically.livejournal.com]

Mem.

[ninjamidget66.livejournal.com]

Where have you been all my life?! Your crack is like nectar for the Gods.

I do have to say one thing though, I know this is J2; but I totally heard Dean when I read the "throw me over your shoulder" line. Not that that's a bad thing :D

[coyotesuspect.livejournal.com]

I've been right here bb. ;D And hmm, I really should start writing crack again. *stares at work in progress where Dean adopts a miniature tree*

lol! Dean would also probably like Sam/Jared to throw him over his shoulder.

[meus_venator]

LOLOLOLOL THAT. WAS. AWESOME.
"Wouldn't that be a bit rude? Since I don't know your name?"
Such a gentleman!Viking *heh* So much fun!